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I was up late one night, sneaking around in the kitchen looking for extraterrestrial   pastries (they are shaped like rockets!!! .0.). I heard a knock on the servants door to the outside, a very loud knock. I waited for Geastoon to answer as I hid in a cabinet (I did so, so I would not get caught). Geastoon never came, so I took it as my priority to answer the door. I of course had to put on a kitchen apron, and went to the door like a cook. Since I know nothing of what kitchen people do in their spare time answering doors, I walked like a man with no feeling in his limbs.

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Then I threw open the door with a flamboyant smile. “Hello, mada- ma’am! I am the… the kitchen cook. Would you like some bread?” I said in an off-key voice to the woman standing outside the door.

In my perspective, she seemed to be a beggar woman. Then again, I do not answer doors like this, EVER, so knowing these things is really a toss-up. I was just thinking this, when I realized that the clock on top of the fireplace was clicking towards midnight. And everyone knows, that at that time, MAGICAL…. and creepy…. THINGS HAPPEN! I had to remind this poor soul that seeing the king took place during the hours when the king’s eyes were open, and that if you wanted to see him, he never visited the kitchen!

“Hello!” I said again. “If you are looking for the illustrious, 100% of a king, he is not here! I swear, he is sleeping in his bed. Please go away!” And I attempted to slam the door. But this lady had a hand that moved quicker than I eat pastries. She stopped the door, and glared down at me with ….. however that word is spelled…. VENYMUSSE EYES!!

I immediately started backing up in my Daffy Duck slippers.

“I need a place to stay, to get out of this rain.” She gestured around her like there were thousands of insects eating the walls, and I frowned, glancing around too.

“I don’t see any rain,” I said, feeling a little bit blind of all of a sudden. I even reached my hand out to see if I could feel something wet coming from outside, but my hand came back dry. My brain quickly came up the conclusion that this was either…. SLEEPWALKING!, or she was insane.

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Or, she was lying. But I thought that my Mom always said that liars caught their pants on fire. And hers were not. She didn’t even have pants on! It was a dress. Just gotta clarify that.

I felt bad for her, so I asked kind of politely, “Do you see any rain?”

She just smiled simply, strangely, and said, “I need a place to rest my head.” And she gestured at her poofy hairdo. I tried not to act creeped out.

“Sure…” I said noncommittally. “But do you have to? I’m not a legitimate babysitter, and I can’t stay up much longer.”

Her eyes kind of hardened. “I do not need your assistance. Just your permission to enter.”

“Uh…. Sorry, I can’t let you in. I… um….” This was tough for me to say. “-Cant’ let strangers… inside the palace! But if you want to, you can sleep in the courtyard! There’s no rain, so…. makes yourself comfy! Cause strangers don’t cross this door… and you are obviously a stranger to me.”

She raised her hand firmly. “Quiet! I have heard enough! Your rudeness is inconceivable! Because you have not let me in, I shall turn you into a beast to drive away every woman that comes your way! And I will turn all of your servants, and the people you love into mere objects!” I was lost at inconsebable. The rest of my brain imploded because that word did not belong.

“Uh… lesson on the English language,” I started to say, raising my finger in admonishment, when suddenly a bright wand appeared in her hand. I dropped my hand as her dress completely changed into a startling gown made out of either pigeon feathers, or they were loosely laced on jewels. Either which way, I hated them.

I was about to tell her they weren’t her color, when I noticed the wand growing larger. I decided it was more exciting, because it almost got as tall as her. A wand, seriously. An eleven foot wand. I know, because I measured it.

Then I noticed we were still having a conversation. “Did you mention something about the servants?” I asked, since I had to keep on top of things. I was the man of the kitchen door at the time.

“They are now objects, and you will be a monster!”

“So… why?” I asked, completely curious.

“So that girls will never love you, just like you have no kindness in your heart!” She sounded a little frantic to get the point across, so I just nodded my head.

“Okay.” Then the thought of no girls actually paying attention to me dawned on me. “Can you actually take care of that quick? My Mom said that I have to get married in a few years, and that would help immensely! No married, no stupid girls hanging around the place! Cheers!” I said giddily.

She started to look really angry, so I backed up my words a little bit. “Sorry?” I asked, raising my hands in the hopes of calming the wrath that was coming. Women are so weird. If you don’t seem impressed by what they threaten, then they get so upset that they actually might not do what they said they would do originally! And I didn’t want that!

“I-I’m sorry!” I said, pretending to be so afraid of being turned into a monster that night. “I-I didn’t mean to harm your ideas or abilities in making me frivolous!” She raised an eyebrow. “I mean, hideous,” I added, bowing my head to acknowledge my mistake in words. “Can you take care of it now?” I asked, trying to act like I just wanted the blow over with.

She stuck up her nose at me, reminding me of the stupid girls she was saving me from. I smiled secretly to myself as she raised her great eleven-foot wand over my head.

“A beast forever, unless someone can love this hideous mistake of a boy! If by then,” she sighed impatiently, like she did this every day, “someone has fallen in love with you by the age of twenty-one –deeply– you can have your human form back.”

“Shucks,” I said to myself. “Not safe yet. I’ll have to think of something to make everyone think I’m hideous until that time. But that’ll be easy.” I rubbed my hands together maliciously, and then stood up, satisfied that she had taken care of the spell by now. But my hands still looked human.

“Just on your face,” she added, much to my dismay.

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“Just on my– what?! Oh, come on! Still a human body!”

“Yes. You’re already hideous enough,” she said distractedly. “Just hurry up and go look in the mirror. I have places to be, people to change.” She glanced at me threateningly, but I only gave her a grim snarl back.

“Now I’m just weird,” I said, dissatisfied. “Just get it over with…” I mumbled. ” I wanted the whole package. Then there’s no way anyone will ever have to live with me!”

I waved my arms impatiently, and walked back inside the kitchen, taking off the apron. The lady sold hooky stories! She didn’t actually do what she promised she’d do! But at least it would be fun waking up and scaring the whole country with my new looks!

I kind of brightened up at that thought, and slowly closed the kitchen door, deciding to go back to bed. I was kind of tired, but at least I had things to dream about now. For me, being hideous in the face was the last straw I needed to have all the fun adventures I had wanted!

“Oh, and I forgot,” she said, opening the door again.

“Hey! That’s rude!” I said, turning around. “I’m supposed to open the door!”

“Well, you already did,” she said. “You need this.” She tossed a worn brown sack on the floor, and then turned around and closed the door. I went to look inside the bag, expecting more disappointments, but instead, I saw a weirdly shaped red rose. I picked it up, disgusted at her stupid conditions, and then it moved.

I jumped back, and dropped it onto the floor. “Uh, forget it!” I said, going over to the fireplace and sitting in one of the chairs. Then I heard something scraping the floor. When I glanced over, there was a little creature standing there, with a red petal skirt and big blue eyes.

“Hi. My name is Rose,” she said.

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Collaboration with Swing on a Star in Legend series 😉

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